UNIVERSITY SECURITY GATE — Good Uncle, Wake Forest’s newest food service and the food delivery service equivalent of Eric Trump, has seen massive ‘success’ during its 1.5 semesters on campus. The Good Uncle Van allegedly offers fresh meals from around campus, but a recent study by our team of investigators found out that’s a goddamn lie.
Good Uncle, best known for parking in between Martin and Polo (unknown for their food), has received a lot of attention on campus. “I can never let my car sit in that 30 minute spot for a few hours anymore,” Maddeigh Smyth said.
Sophomore, Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen, has been “mostly pleased” with the Good Uncle food service. “The food was always ready so quickly for a fresh food truck,” she said, putting air quotes around ‘fresh food.’ “But I would always wonder why the food was burning on the outside and freezing on the inside.”
An anonymous studio art major described her Good Uncle chicken tenders as a “distant memory of pit chicken” and a “violation against the laws of nature.” A report written by the Biology Department has concluded, “the alleged chicken is somewhat similar to the genetic composition of real chicken. However, it is far closer to the hazardous waste served at Moe’s.”
Moe’s declined to comment.
(We didn’t actually ask Moe’s for a comment, but we know they would have declined anyway.)
Fake Worest 