UNIVERSITY SECURITY GATE — Good Uncle, Wake Forest’s newest food service and the food delivery service equivalent of Eric Trump, has seen massive ‘success’ during its 1.5 semesters on campus. The Good Uncle Van allegedly offers fresh meals from around campus, but a recent study by our team of investigators found out that’s a goddamn…
We are now philanthropists and you should be one too! In the spirit of Day 2 of Recruitment, Fake Worest has decided to donate to several organizations. Just in time for tax season, here’s where you should consider donating for philanthropic (tax break) purposes: The Break a Wish Foundation: A harsh dose of reality to…
Following the retirement of Nathan O. Hatch from his role as President of Wake Forest University, Board of Trustees Chair Gerald F. Roach has announced that Betsy Adams is to become the 14th President of the University. “We as a Board sought to find the most qualified and well positioned candidates for this important vacancy,”…
THE PIT– After extensive investigations The Worest has uncovered that the Pit’s funding for Kombucha has come from parts of The Magnolia Scholar’s budget. Discussions started to cut President Hatch’s salary to pay for the greater food, but that was shot down immediately by a person we cannot name. But an inside source says it…
The job you want- That’s right, put on one of your dad’s spare Rolexes, break out the gold cufflinks and hit the town! You’re going to look good as the next Goldman Sachs executive as you receive that piece of paper on that cold Saturday in October! The job you have- Chances are your entry-level…
FARRELL HALL – In true capitalist fashion, Business School faculty arose from the fish bowl early this morning to give a press statement revealing that students still need summer internships to graduate. Concerned by this proposal, BEM major Dirt Lewinsky probed, “So are you going to help us find one?” “We have a great group…
ZSR – In a recent revelation based on male to female ratio data, Starbucks has been found to be the top tier fraternity on campus. A report based on leaked Deacon Dining internal documents has revealed that, on average, Starbucks serves 24 female customers per one male customer every day. “It’s honestly pretty crazy in…
LAST RESORT– In Truly pour taste, LR will start selling Coronas for $2 as long as there are fewer than 3 reported cases of Coronavirus in North Carolina. The optics, which can only be described as a “clusterfuck of what-the-fuck,” is being condemned by organizations left and right. Dr. Mars from Student Health had this…
ZICKS––Sources tell us that a dead sober kid “really needs a slice” right now from Zicks. The Counseling Center has dispatched crisis-intervention-personnel to find him and police officers have offered to give him rides everywhere and anywhere he wants. After his Tapingo didn’t go through because Grubhub exists now, the kid stood in front of…
EWING STREET– Last night, Jessica’s roommate’s boyfriend, Ben, who lives in Poteat convinced Jessica’s roommate to text “pregameeeeeeee thur?” into their house group chat and it got two hearts. Jessica was not one of them. Jessica, the self-identified “clean one,” is nervous for the upcoming Lrsday because she KNOWS that no one will clean. Instead…
Dow Jones Club members rushed to short Deacon Dollars yesterday as Natty O. announced a 200 basis point cut in response to lower than expected food dollar spending at the Subway Pod this quarter. “Baby, while Pit swipes remain steady into the holiday season, we’re concerned that decelerating food dollar spending could signal underlying weakness…
They deposited all the leftover gravy from pitsigving in the hot tub. The smoke coming out of lot Q is from the giant troll vaping under our campus. All the history majors have been method acting this entire time and they’re actually theatre majors. The feral cats around campus are just ugly dogs. The administration…
Monday 1:01 – 1:14 pm between Tribble and Manchester as I walk between classes 1:45 – 3:00 am in bed over WebEx Tuesday 2 – 4 pm in the single stall in 8th floor lib All day but exclusively over text Wednesday 6 – 8:30 am on McCreary Field during football practice 12:30 – 2:30…
“We speak for the manatees because society does not respect their gentle roar!”
Camino is really good Black matches well with black Juul pods taste better when you break the plastic and drink it Thought three was really good If I use my venmo balance for drugs my parents won’t know … I should wear more skulls Boom boom I wanna FUCK FUCK FUCK get that out of…
Fake Worest 