Benson Center — Speculations abound that the recent renovations to the Benson P.O.D. serve a more sinister purpose than originally thought: to distract students from the consistently sub-par Asian Fusion line. “The 43 varieties of organic chocolate, the 14 kinds of kombucha, and the egregiously priced yogurt bar in 336 Market are in no way meant to take attention away from the…uh…stuff they serve at Take Two,” said Dining Services Coordinator Linda Smith. “In fact, treating myself to a delightful serving of undercooked rice and unidentified meat is always one of the highlights of my day.” When asked about whether Boar’s Head would ever return, Smith answered, “Boar’s Head? Oh, you must mean more spread! I’m glad you asked. Marketplace 336 now offers a number of new spreads, including hummus, peanut butter, Nutella, chocolate frosting, jelly, and mayonnaise.” At press time, Smith had reportedly abandoned her lunch of rice and imitation chicken and was seen sprinting for the bathroom.
Fake Worest 