Babcock Hall – Two weeks ago, freshman Jimmy Gretzl branched out from his normal weekend of trying to get into frat parties to go on an Outdoor Pursuits Climb and Dine trip. If we’re being honest, you would never know this was true except for the fact that Jimmy now refuses to go anywhere without using a carabiner to attach everything he owns to his belt loops.
“My trip leader, Lara, looked so freaking fresh with her climbing rope clipped to her harness,” said Jimmy. “I mean holy crap, that girl knows how to work a Black Diamond LockGate Carabiner. I knew I had to get a couple, too.”
The water bottle clipped to a belt loop almost makes sense, but clipping his jacket and his whole fucking backpack to his belt loop isn’t a great look.
“I hardly have to use my hands anymore—I don’t know why I haven’t been doing this the whole time!” said Jimmy as he twirled in a circle showing off his waist. “I had to get a reinforced belt so the weight on my belt loops wouldn’t keep pantsing me, but it’s honestly so worth it.”
Jimmy has also been complementing his carabiners with a black Patagonia puffy and constantly talking about Natgeo’s latest Instagram posts.
At press time, Jimmy was seen at the Outdoor Pursuits office trying to hit on the female trip leaders.
Fake Worest 