After waiting 20 minutes in the bathroom line, Jackie Shepherd reached the front at the exact moment her favorite song, “The Middle,” began playing in the basement.
“I hardly have to use my hands anymore—I don’t know why I haven’t been doing this the whole time!” said Jimmy as he twirled in a circle showing off his waist. “I had to get a reinforced belt so the weight on my belt loops wouldn’t keep pantsing me, but it’s honestly so worth it.”
Babcock Residence Hall — Five members of the winning Luter second floor and Babcock basement Pros vs Joes team will be giving birth in May, almost exactly nine months after freshman orientation.
Bostwick Hall — The Office of Sustainability announced Monday that the new energy efficient lights in Bostwick will just be existing lights that no longer work.
Angelou Hall — With sorority rush right around the corner, many liberal freshmen girls are gearing up to willfully ignore eighteen years’ worth of political ideas. Among these hopefuls is self-proclaimed social activist Ashley Greene.
“You can understand my frustration when I learned that there would be zero hot wax dripped on my naked body whatsoever.”
Fake Worest 